How do you gently let someone down

You may be tempted to make up something to make it all go smoothly — but fibbing can actually be really patronizing. It's really important not to leave any ambiguity lingering in the air. Leaving wiggle room for your ex to wonder, 'Is it really over? Being vague is not compassionate. Finally, letting someone down gently isn't just about the actual breakup — it's also about what happens afterward.

If you don't want to be with this person, going back to them or continuing to hook up with them can be very, very cruel. You should only make any move toward getting back together if you're sure it's the right thing — and what you want. There's no perfect way to end things with someone, but you can try to let them down as gently as possible. This means being clear and direct, but also giving them room to ask questions and have their say. And, whatever you do, remember that it's important not to give them any mixed signals or go back to them just for comfort.

You're making the choice to break things off, so it's up to you to set healthy boundaries. Woman's prerogative. It takes a real shitty person to call it off with someone by text.

Grab your cojones and do it face to face. Although they are exceptions to this. Not now, not ever, while still being polite of course. Once you have said what you need to say, thank them for understanding and wrap it up. Old flames can be good friends, right? Or was that Neighbours?

Learn from the failure and carry on dating. You might also like. Have you ever had to break up with someone, how did it go? Tweet us SofeminineUK. Offer friendship, if you're able. Offering some kind of consolation at the end of a relationship can help reduce the sting of the blow. If possible, offer friendship to your ex. Say something like, "I hope we can stay friends. If you do not think you can reasonably remain friends with someone, do not make the offer.

Part 2. Speak without cliches. When letting someone down easy, it's important to avoid anything your ex might find patronizing or insulting.

Cliches, such as "It's not you, it's me," can feel dishonest. Instead, express yourself directly and abandon cliche language. Speaking to your own personal experience is best when letting someone down easy.

Do not place blame. You may feel some anger and resentment if you're choosing to end a relationship. It can be tempting to attribute blame to your ex, especially if he or she hurt you. However, if you want to let your ex down easy playing the blame game is not a good idea.

Avoiding negativity of any kind is one of the best ways to spare someone's feelings. Going over past mistakes or resentments can spur an argument, resulting in an unclean and unpleasant breakup.

Avoid being sucked into a negative conversation. If your partner tries to put you down for your actions, counter with something like, "I'm sorry you feel that way but it doesn't change my decision. Avoid social media in the direct aftermath. Social media can be particularly toxic in the wake of a breakup. If you want to let your ex down easy, avoid posting about the breakup online.

Even accounts you think he or she might not access to could potentially discovered. While many find social media cathartic when coping with a breakup, keep in mind your ex's feelings may be hurt by what you choose to post.

It may also be a good idea to stop following your ex on any social media platforms. During a breakup, you'll need time to cultivate some space between you and your partner to help you move on. Severing the social media tie a bit can help. In general, it's best to not get others involved. Instead, try to keep things between you and your ex.

Mutual friends with good intentions can interfere and make the situation more complicated than it needs to be. Part 3. Focus on the good times. You can help yourself and your ex cope by choosing to focus on the positive. Towards the end of the breakup conversation, try to focus on mutual benefit. Emphasize all the good things your partner has done for you. Make sure she leaves the conversation feeling like the relationship was worthwhile even if it did not work out.

Say something like, "You really made me feel good about myself and pushed me to be a kinder, more empathetic person. I will always be grateful for that. While acknowledging it may take some time, encourage your partner to cherish the good times you had together.

Relationships are primarily social exchanges and people have a natural tendency to search for their benefits. Your partner will appreciate you helping him or her seek positives even as the relationship ends. Be upfront about lessening contact. As previously stated, it can be helpful to leave the door open for friendship. However, you do not want to give mixed messages. Be honest about what kind of contact you want to have with your ex. If you need some space before you can work on establishing a friendship, for example, say so.

Do not try to force friendly meetings prematurely, as this can confuse you and your ex. You will need time and space before you're able to see one another without romantic attachments and associations.

Act civil after the breakup. You will likely run into your ex at some point in the future. Be cordial and friendly during any encounters you might have. Remain emotionally prepared. Keep in mind as you go to work, school, and run errands you may run into your ex. This can help you stay calm and collected during the encounter.

Resist thinking of your ex as your one true love. When in love, many people convince themselves the person they're with is their one true love. However, you need to let those feelings go after a breakup. In reality, there are many people with whom you would be potentially compatible.

You will likely find someone else in the future, despite what you may be feeling in the present moment. Allow yourself to accept the fact that the relationship ended for a reason and that you will find someone else in the future. Part 4. Are you sure that you want to end the relationship? If not, then don't end things.

You need to mentally consider this as a break-up. Don't try and let someone down easy as an excuse to "keep your options open. Playing games with someone's emotions isn't fair or gentle. If you hope that you can get them to break up with you, then don't try and let them down gently. You can't expect them to do the work for you -- you need to end things yourself.

If they don't pick up on the hints or being gentle doesn't work, you need to be ready to step in and end the relationship firmly. If you're thinking about ending the relationship because you don't want to be monogamous, consider asking the other person if they're interested in maintaining an open relationship, where you still see each other, but you're both free to date other people, as well.

Are you trying to break contact completely, or just return to friendship? Your goals when splitting away from someone are important. If you don't want to see someone again, then you should just end the relationship quickly and kindly. If you're just trying to slow thing down a bit, a gentle let down is more appropriate. A gentle let down can give someone the impression that you may want to rekindle things later in life.

If you don't want this, end it quickly. If you're being gentle because you are worried about your safety, just end things quickly.